It shouldn't have happened like this

[Deleted]

The pain was dulled, bearable for now, but still there throughout all of his body, and it forced a whimper out of him the moment he opened his eyes. He tried to move, but the second he did nausea made itself known, and Isaac swore it had never been that strong before, even after the worst of hangovers. It was so overwhelming and surprising he lost his breath, lungs burning up as he started coughing, clinging onto the hope that he wouldn't throw up but it was a very slim hope. At the very first cough a staggering pain shot through his rib cage and he flinched, crashing onto the bed under him, vision blurring out and ears rigging. Wait, a bed? His whole body shook with each cough, hands grasping at his chest and side, fearing he might die just then. No, would he? Wait, something was wrong. He did not recognise the fabric underneath his fingers. He dug into it, clung onto it, but no, it wasn't the familiar sensation of wool. What had happened to his sweater? In a moment of panic his hand reached for his heart, and when he found nothing there, he froze, eyes wide. Something was missing, something incredibly important, but in-between coughs he couldn't remember what, and that only served to increase his state of panic.

He blinked, trying to fight his blurry vision so he could see where he was, but it was an unsuccessful attempt. So he closed them, searching for what he remembered instead, but it was hard to concentrate. He was still coughing, ribs lancing and head throbbing with pain, but he had to know. It came back in flashes, and he couldn't really make sense of it all. Noises. Loud noises. Indistinguishable voices over a siren that hurt his ears, shrieking, echoing in his head. Struggling to breath. Hands touching him. He remembered wanting to fight, push them away, but for some reasons he hadn't been able to move. His head had been hurting, much like every bone in his body, and when he had been lifted, by whom he couldn't know, he recalled wanting to scream, drag himself out of reach. The next thing he remembered were flashes of light above him, moving but not knowing to where, people, so many people around him but barely a sound. Everything had been muted. Had someone spoken to him? He hadn't heard anything. Then everything had gone pitch black.

His tags. It was his dog tags that had disappeared, he knew now. He opened his eyes, the coughs over for the time being, hand clutching harder at the fabric over his heart. He still did not know what it was. Where were they? Where was he? No, the tags first, he needed them more than the knowledge of his position. With a frantic heart, and even if he was seeing stars, he had to find them, so he tried to get up, every muscle of his body strongly protesting against the manoeuvre. He winced, but still tried to leave the bed. Tried, for under him his arms gave away immediately and he crashed back into the mattress. The cry that escaped him he did not even hear over the ringing in his ear, head spinning, arms shaking. His stomach turned, and a wave of nausea coursed through him, forcing him to stop his new attempt at moving. No, the tags, he needed the tags. His hand reached out, to whom or what he had no idea, maybe he hoped he would accidentally grab them? "Please..." No one could hear him, there was no point in asking, but it wasn't what he was doing. A lament, a word whispered as he closed his eyes again, fighting against the dizziness.

for Dr Sofia Austin

[Dr Sofia Austin]

She was in a daze the minute she heard that name, Isaac. That name meant something to her as she tried to focus on her job with another patient, it was like hearing the name of the past but then just when she had managed to refocus her attention the surname was spoken. Isaac Austin. No, it simply was not possible, she was tired and only mid way through her shift and now she was hearing things. Great, it was going to be a long six hours she told herself as she set to finishing up bandaging a guys arm.

It had to be her own mind making things up she told herself not daring to look back to where she heard the voice from. She knew in her own heart it would lead to disappointment as her Isaac was long gone. He never came back and what in the world made her hold out any hope that he would come back now, no he was living a good life somewhere. Children and a wife with a lovely house and garden, the sort of home that had been lost in Los Angeles. He had to have a good life because it was in her own head that way.

Sofia shook off the thoughts that crept into her mind, was he okay? Was he safe? The same questions she had asked herself for years and in those first nights when he had left. She could still feel that same sinking feeling, the knots of worry in her stomach and the resounding feeling of loss that came with knowing he had left. Unlike her brother and mother who she knew were never coming back she had clung to the idea that one day he might do. Perhaps when she was ninety years old they would end up in the same nursing home or casually meet at the same coffee place. Was she certifiably crazy to think it, maybe but the thought of him being alone or worse than that always sent a shiver down her spine.

It was only when a nurse had accidently bumped into a trolley and sent the contents flying over the floor, did she spy the dog tags. Strewn among other items, some medical some personal Sofia picked up the tags and read the name. Isaac Austin, she had to read them three times before she reached out for the nearest solid object that could hold her upright. In an instant she was asking which patient and where, what was happening and the condition. She could barely breath the minute she approached to see him lying there.

It had to be him she thought trying to reconcile the adult face she saw to her older brother. Sofia barely had a chance to think when she was sat down next to his bed waiting for a fully grown man to wake up. It was crazy, what if she had made a mistake and had jumped to the wrong conclusion but he looked like she remembered a little different and older but it was still her brother. It had to be she thought as she clutched onto the dog tags tightly. Sofia watched him carefully as she saw him open his eyes.

He then tried to move as she stayed silent waiting to see what was going on though the minute he started coughing Sofia moved to the monitors to make sure everything was okay. Sofia tried to find something to make him feel better though when she looked back at him she was torn between the doctor and a sister that was scared to death that she was looking at her brother who she had last seen more than fifteen years ago. Sofia watched him clutch the fabric over his heart as she could see by the monitors there was no imminent heart attack happening. When he tried to leave the bed Sofia went back to the side of his bed.

“No, just relax you’re in a hospital.” She said trying to explain with what little she knew so far. She winced hearing the cry that escaped him. Sofia glanced at her hand that held the dog tags when he reached out, she took his hand carefully as she pressed the dog tags into his hand while she held the chain. “You’re safe here Isaac.” She said feeling how strange it was to say his name out loud after all this time. “You’re in the hospital, everything will be okay just relax... please it's Sofia, I'm right here Isaac.” She said hearing her own voice shake as she stood there trying to think of something profound to say but all she could do was stare at him in a hope that she had the right Isaac.

[Deleted]

He hadn't heard Sofia nor had known someone was in the room with him. No, not with his ringing ears and the nausea coursing through his body taking all of his attention. Curled up on the bed, eyes shut tight and hand still stretched out, he tried to take deep breaths, but every time the pain in his ribs cut them short. He couldn't remember what had happened to make them hurt like that. He couldn't remember much of anything, but the pounding in his head wouldn't let him try. That is when he felt something being placed in his shaking hand, something warm, familiar. The tags. It took a moment for him to react, brain rather confused, and slowly his fingers curled up around the object. To know that they were safe was reassuring, and he could feel his heart beating a little slower, but it was still fast, and he did not know why.

After a second he froze, body stiff and hand clutched around his tags in an instant. Someone was touching him, a hand on his. No. He hadn't realised he had shouted, yanking his hand and tags away from whoever was holding them. "No, don't touch me." The movement had been so sudden a new wave of pain went through him, bringing tears to his eyes as he tried to see whom he had spoken to. He brought his tags to his heart, pressing his hand so hard against himself he felt his ribs protest again. Who was in the room? A memory came back to him, a flash of a fist connecting with his face, and in a moment of panic he shifted further away in the bed. "Please, no, don't hurt me." Without realising it he had started shaking, digging his face into the mattress, hoping he wouldn't get punched again.

No, it did not make any sense. Just where was 'here' exactly? His mind couldn't comprehend the meaning behind the words he had heard, but one of those words hit him more than the others, and in the mattress he blinked. 'Isaac'. His name. It was all his brain could concentrate on and he forget about the where question. He did not recognise the voice, and to him it was weird because how would they know him if he did not know them? In the confusion the thought that they might have just read the tags never crossed his mind, and he tried, tried really hard to remember to whom the voice belonged to. All the while he was waiting, bracing for a punch, anything. All of those who had spoken his name lately had hurt him, it couldn't be any different now.

Mind so focused on finding the owner of the voice he did not hear anything of his sister's last sentence. After a time, however, he recognised one of the words among the weird blurring of noise he had caught. "Sofia." It came out before he could stop it, whispered against the mattress still pressed to his face. He knew that name. He had a sister named like that. Oh he hadn't said it in years, hadn't seen her for even longer. But why... Why would someone speak her name? Why would someone who could potentially hurt him say her name? Was she in danger? Would they go after her? How did they know he had a sister? He did not even know where she could be right now, and the succession of questions flowing through his head made him grow even dizzier, nausea barely contained, as if fed by his confusion.

Oh no. Sofia. His eyes sprung open, and fear took over, forcing him to stiffen even more. He remembered one thing now that he hadn't before. He was in Chicago. Chicago, where she was, could still be. She couldn't see him in this state, he couldn't come back to her like that, an empty shell of who he used to be, just a complete mess and full of issues. He had to leave. He had his tags now, that was all he needed. "I have to go." Fighting against his weak limbs he pushed himself up, wincing at the pounding in his head, eyes stinging from the tears he couldn't refrain anymore. The tags were digging in his palm, but that pain, unlike his ribs, he could bare. Once again he pushed himself to try and leave the bed. As he reached the side of it, however, his arms gave away once more and he fell. Forward. Towards the ground, not the mattress. He was too surprised to do anything, say anything.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

It was the knowing but not, the thinking but no truth or actual confirmation of the fact that the Isaac she saw is the one she missed so much. The person she saw before her was broken and beaten and medically she could only imagine the pain this person was in. To think that this was her brother hurt, this was a far cry from the house, kids and wonderful marriage she had imagined from him. She should have known better than to mix her own thoughts with reality but then she had no idea if he was even alive still but now.

Now there was an Isaac there who could be her Isaac. Sofia dared to smile when his fingers curled around the dog tags, he wanted them which was a step though when he shouted and yanked his hand and the tags away Sofia took a step back. She hardly meant to hurt him but when he said not to tough him Sofia moved away from the bed. “No... I’m sorry I just thought.” She said before she realised she had no clue what she was thinking and in what order it was. Her head was swimming with possibilities.

When he shifted away and spoke about not hurting him Sofia could feel the tears in her eyes. What had happened to him? It hurt to see him in such a way though she had been guilty of speaking those words when their father had drunk one bottle too much. It felt like her chest was slowly being crushed of hope when she saw him start shaking. “I won’t hurt you, I promise, I just want to help you.” She said in as level a tone as she could muster. Sofia made sure to keep a distance from him, maybe this was the wrong guy.

The wrong Isaac, how could she have thought they would meet again in Chicago? Was she the crazy one of the family holding onto any hope or belief she had left that the world was a far cry from the cruel place it had been. Sofia wanted to hug him and tell him it would all be okay but then if it was the wrong person, she found herself staring trying to find any reason that spoke to her to say it was him. The brother she had lost, it was mad to think it true but then she had believed him alive for years so why not believe it now.

The minute he spoke her name she could feel the tears on her face as she wiped them away quickly. She was being entirely ridiculous; keep it together because it might not be him. “Isaac...” She said having to bite her tongue as struggled not to say anything more than his name. She was happy and sad, angry and relieved but despite everything she was scared to death that this was her brother. If it was then he was hurt, someone had done this to him and despite the fact that she knew medically it could be fixed the thought it had happened to begin with was horrifying.

Sofia saw his eyes spring open and the fear that was in them. She had no idea what had happened to him and yet all she wanted to do was help him. If he would let her but given his state it was clear he had an idea she was there but there was no resounding recognition. It was in that thought she had the idea that perhaps this was the wrong guy. It had been so long but if she was unsure then she could only imagine what he was thinking. “No don’t go, please don’t leave.” She said her voice cracking as she spoke. She had lost her brother once but she had to make sure that he was a different Isaac before she could let him go.

He was far too sick to leave but as she found when he fell forward from the bed, there was no chance he was going to be let go from the hospital. She was not ready to see someone walk out of her life again. Sofia lurched forward in an attempt to catch Isaac or at least soften the fall though with her arms outstretched she had no idea what the response was going to be. React first and think later she thought as she realised when she had taken those steps toward him how he had asked not to be touched and seemed to think she was about to hit him. “Are you alright?” She blurted not knowing if she had managed to help or hinder but she simply wanted to make sure he was alright. If it was her brother or just simply a patient, she was still trying to help.

[Deleted]

It did hurt, everywhere, but in his state he couldn't stop himself and take the time to examine the extent of his injuries. All he knew, it was hard not to with how strong everything felt, was the headache, the nausea, the fatigue, the extreme pain in his ribs at every breath, his every muscle strained and protesting at any movement, and the confusion. The latter was definitely not helped by the starry vision, but all of it, he had no memory of how it happened, no explanation to offer for it. It strangely felt like a hangover, but it couldn't be just that. No, he knew his hangovers, and it wouldn't leave him in such a state. What could was a fight.

The memory. The punch... Had he been in a fight? Was he in a fight right now? The figure... Through his blurry vision he had thought he had seen a vague figure take a step back, maybe he had seen it say something too, but none of the words had made it to him, his sister’s apology had fallen to his deaf, ringing ears. Why would they have stepped back though, if he was fighting them? He couldn't find a reason, the only possible explanation that came to him was that it was so that they could take a bigger swing at him, and it was a terrifying idea. So terrifying he had recoiled, curled up in the bed, braced with all of the strength he could muster in his state. The tears had been from the pain, initially, but now, fear was responsible as well, and as they fell, stinging, he held his tags tighter.

Why was the punch not coming? He dug himself further into the bed. Nothing made sense. His tags, the figure had given them to him, and with a care he couldn't understand. Why would they have given them to him, and then stepped back, if they were set on hurting him? It couldn't be any other way, the person knew his name, and every one that did were set on dragging him to the dirt. But it had been so gentle, kind, and no one had cared about him like that for a long time. Not since... No, no he couldn't be thinking about that right now. He pressed himself even more against the mattress as he tried to push the memories away, tears streaming down and body shaking uncontrollably. 'Safe.' The word echoed through his mind. He had heard that word, just before his name, hadn't he? No he couldn't have heard right. They couldn't want him safe, they had put him in this state...

Through the tears and constant ringing he hadn't caught much of what was next said to him, but he had made an effort to listen, tried as best as he could to catch a word, just one that could help make sense of the situation. "Help... me?" No, that hadn't made any more sense, and each word hurt to say, head and ribs violently against him pronouncing anything, but his disbelief he couldn't refrain from coming out. He still hadn't figured out who the voice belonged to, they couldn't be wanting to help him. Yet, hadn't they said the did not wish to hurt him? "I don't understand..." He had tried to look up from the mattress, ask the figure personally, but he hadn't been able to move.

His name again... Isaac. Isaac and Sofia. Old times of old, more than twenty years ago. They were still so young back then. "Sofia..." He said it a second time, and a third time. Every time a wave of guilt came crashing down into him, but also relief. Relief to finally be able to say it after so long, even with tears still raining down on his cheeks, falling onto the bed his face was still pressed against. But he couldn't shake the thought that the unknown person had spoken her name too. If they knew her, and if they really weren't planning on hurting him, or her, could they tell her he was here? They couldn't do that. Sofia couldn't know, couldn't see him like this. She was far better off not knowing how messy his life was, how messy he was. She had a good life now, she was happy, he couldn't destroy what she had because he had made mistakes, was a mistake.

So as he had fallen off the bed, fear overwhelming and thoughts rushing in his mind alongside all of the unanswered questions, he had forgotten everything about his injuries, his odd case of amnesia and the fact that he did not even know where he was in Chicago. He hadn't even heard his sister pleading for him to stay. He just needed to leave, leave, word echoing in his mind over and over again. His ribs abruptly brought him back to reality as he crashed into a body rather than the floor, crying out from the pain and the surprise. Alright? No, no he really wasn't. And the person was touching him again. "No!" Panicked, unable to see anything through the tears, he pushed himself off of the person and propelled himself backwards, pushing himself the furthest he could in the bed. He still couldn't see who he had been talking to this whole time, and the pain really wouldn't allow him to concentrate on trying to distinguish anything, but his mind was still focused on his sister. "She can't see me like this..." He shook his head, so violently he couldn't help but wince as the pounding in it grew heavier. "I can't..." stay. His voice died in his throat, emotion too much to bare.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

Hearing the words ‘help me’ Sofia wanted to help him but if he was her brother then she wanted to scream at him a lot first. Those two words spoken and Sofia wanted nothing more than to help Isaac, if she could have taken the pain away she would have done in a heartbeat but with his injuries it was basic pain medication so as not to mask any underlying issues. She knew when she had read the injuries it was going to be painful but she had no idea how much that was going to affect him. How tough it was to watch him suffer through it.

“Isaac, no one will hurt you here.” Sofia said softly through her tears. “You’re safe now there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Her brother had been the strong one in her, the father figure she had lost and yet Isaac had stepped into those shoes in her eyes like a king. He had been there for her, even down to homework and the little things but that all finished. He had gone and left her and now, he was in pain and not understanding what she was trying to tell him. Not that she really would understand given his injuries but she would keep trying.

When he said her name Sofia tried to see any flicker of recognition that it was her stood there with him. “Yes... Sofia. I’m right here.” She said seeing the tears still raining down on his cheeks. Sofia forbid herself from pouncing on him and hugging him to death, because that always went well and so far he had asked not to be touched. Despite the fact she wanted to she held back because the last thing she wanted was for him to be angry with her. Not after all this time, she was mad at him for leaving but now all she wanted to do was help.

To take care of him and make things as comfortable as she could. How far did she go with it, scream that it was her Sofia his sister and hope for a good reaction or silently wish that it was him. The brother she had lost and pin whatever hope she had left within her on that outcome. It was better that he had been away, unable to see their father take a path that lead to his own destruction. She had barely handled a gun pushed in her face and getting shot so maybe it was better that Isaac had missed that.

Was it just her imagination that a person could change or was she doomed to repeat the same steps but Sofia found it hard to reconcile the image of who she was thinking her brother was and the man that laid in the hospital bed. She wished it to be him as she tried to wipe her tears away, if he never saw them then at least he could think everything was alright. She was the queen of smile and laugh and hide the bruises because that worked. If people never looked below the smile and laugh then everything worked out just fine.

Isaac crashed onto her and she was relieved that he had managed to escape the hard floor though his cry out for the pain and surprise. That was tough to hear as she winced trying to check he was okay until he said ‘no’. The tears and pushing himself off her Sofia struggled to her feet only to see him pushing back into the bed the furthest he could. “I’m sorry... It’s okay, I wasn’t going to hurt you.” She said softly trying her best to stay calm about it all, her voice betrayed her emotions but she had no control over that. Even stemming the flow of tears with her sleeve that never seemed to take a break.

“I don’t care what you look like, just that you’re here.” She spluttered out unable to stop herself as she took a hesitant step forward. “Yes you can, I’m right here. Nothing else matters Isaac.” She said deciding that she at least wanted him to know she was there. If he ran off again Sofia knew there was no coming back from it, her heart was utterly broken but in that moment it was all she could do just to keep herself rooted to the floor.

“Isaac trust me, its Sofia I won’t hurt you and won’t let anyone hurt you.” She said through her tears as it seemed to hit home that the wonderful life she had imagined for him was far from what she was seeing now. No wife and kids around the bedside crowing around to make sure he was alright. She was there but she doubted he even recognised her, it had been such a long time and now it was like seeing someone new for the first time and yet she knew her brother. She knew he was a good person and would never have deserved any of this.

Sofia found herself taking a step back that she had just taken, better not to push it she thought. Him running out of the hospital was a bad idea and a second time, to watch him leave a second time. Even the thought had her breath catching in the back of her throat with a fear she had never known before. It was different to anything else she felt and get even that one thought seemed to make her feel as if things were slipping away too quickly. All at once she wanted to reach out and hug him, shake him and make him see she was there yet she knew what happened if she was even to attempt it.

[Deleted]

He was still trying really hard to keep his attention on the words that were spoken to him, but he hadn't stopped trying to make sense of the situation, and it was hard to do both and keep fighting against the pain and the tears. That unknown voice, unknown place, unknown how, so much unknowns his head wanted to explode. And what was known to him was so small, so thin on details that it couldn't help him much. Or maybe he was too dizzy to try and see the bigger picture, too overwhelmed by the pain and his injuries. The fact that he had those in the first place should help him, tell him something, but other than attribute it to a fight he barely remembered, they only prevented him from understanding.

He heard the voice, the words, but for the first time, heard the emotion in them. He tried again to look at the person who had talked to him, but for a second time found himself unable to move, and his face stayed pressed against the mattress. It was all so hard to believe. How could no one hurt him? How could he be safe in a place he had no knowledge of? Why was the person so concerned for him, so kin on telling him he was out of danger? He could hear it, with how often they had said his name, how they had said it too. Always kind, always hurt. Hurt? Had he hurt them? Maybe in the fight? That couldn't be right... "Why... why do you... want to help me?" Every word hurt to say, but if he had hurt them, they couldn't possibly want to really help him, could they?

The tears stung his eyes as they fell, the name of his sister playing in repeat in his head. It was so long ago. A time when he still wasn't a mess like he was today. A time when he had been there for her, promised her he would always be, unlike their father. A time when they were close, before he destroyed it all and left her behind. It had been wrong. It had been so wrong and he was mad at himself for it. He should have stayed, for her. Instead he had left, for his selfish self. A new wave of tears came streaming down his cheeks, and he shook his head in the mattress. "No she's not here she can't be here." He had only half understood the sentence, hadn't understood that it had been spoken at the first person. She couldn't be there, she did not know he was in Chicago.

Through the tears and the memories, always there no matter how much he wanted them to go away, he had brought his tags closer, curled up even more. Sofia... He hadn't taken care of her like he should have, like he had promised he would. He had abandoned her, had left on her own in a situation that she didn't have to go through alone, that she shouldn't have gone through alone. It hadn't been right. He had run away telling himself it was because he couldn't bare it anymore, but it wasn't a defence he could allow himself to use. What had made him think that if he couldn't bear it, his sister, younger sister, could bare the weight of it on her own? No he would never forgive himself for it, and he would never let Sofia forgive him for it either, if he ever saw her again.

He remembered. Remembered telling himself he might have a chance at making it easier for himself if he left, but he had been wrong. It had only made it worse. He hadn't been there to see his father's destruction, hadn't been there to see the breaking point of it, but all those years away had brought upon him his own destruction, and breaking points, he had had a few of those. He had lost count. But he thanked anyone and anything that would listen that Sofia hadn't learned about any of it, hadn't seen him get to the point he was at. It was hard to smile, he was fairly certain he hadn't smiled in years, but he couldn't hide behind that even if he tried. His body had too many scars to simply cover them all up with a grimace. No, he hadn't hidden his tears, it was the only thing he had left anyway.

He had expected to hit the floor, hadn't thought the unknown person would step in to stop his fall. It might have been better had he really hit the ground. It would have hurt more, but hands wouldn't have touched him again. On the ground, it would have been easier to get up and leave. Now, crawling backwards in the bed, he was stuck, trapped. The person may have said they wouldn't hurt him, maybe he knew it, believed it, after all the time they had said it, but he still did not like to be touched. He still couldn't see their face, but he saw them stumble backwards, a result of him pushing them. Not long after, however, he saw them step forward, and his eyes grew wide, curling up even more on the far end of the bed. "No. I'm broken, she can't... she doesn't need that." He shook his head, tears still streaming down his face. He couldn't stay, he simply couldn't. "She doesn't deserve that." It mattered. It had always mattered that he prevented his twisted path from crossing hers again.

He heard it. 'It's Sofia.' No, it couldn't be. How could it be? She couldn't have known he was in Chicago, couldn't have known where to find him, he himself did not know where he was. "No, you... No, no..." Once again he shook his head, his head violently pounding along and body trembling. Had she tried to tell him this whole time? Was it why her name had been spoken earlier? He still couldn't see through his blurry vision, the face of the person was unrecognisable, but he still tried, he had to try. "Sofia?" It was crazy to think it could be her, but his hand still reached out to her as she stepped back, a wave of panic taking over him.

If it was her, had been her the whole time, what he had feared would happen had already come to pass. She had seen what he had hoped she would never have to. But he wasn't sure it was her, couldn't be sure, couldn't know if he wanted it to be her or not. His hand was still reaching out to her, however, pleading, and his mind was filled with questions. "How... Where?" He asked her, lungs burning up, tears stinging his eyes. And then another moment of panic had him retract his hand and curl up again. "No, don't look at me..." She shouldn't have seen him like this. He shouldn't have come back to Chicago, he shouldn't have let that happen. Or at least, happen like this.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

Sofia could still see that teenager who had the world on his shoulders and had left all that time ago. The face was older and it had an unknown history written across it but Sofia was sure it was him, emotional or not there was just something about him that made her sure. How could he think for one moment she would want to hurt him? Yes she wanted to scream at him and shout but actually hurt him? No, it was hardly something she had done she was usually the person on the end of that though to her she could make the leap to think that someone had hurt Isaac.

The thought of it sent a shiver down her spine as instantly she wanted to find out the who and what and then give someone a taste of their own medicine. “How can you ask me that?” Sofia said stunned by his ‘why’ she would want to help him as she took a moment to remember that he had no idea she was that Sofia. “I want to help because I care about you, because it is my job to help you.” She said deciding that it was as safe an answer as she could muster without dropping the hint again that she was his sister.

Sofia could hear the promises he had made to her, to be there to be more than a brother to be the father that she had lost and then all that was lost. In one night it had been destroyed and she had watched him simply just leave. She knew it was never going to be easy and their father had a lot to answer for though she was mad at him for making those promises. To let her believe for that brief time that things might change and she had someone to rely on in her life.

Instead she had been left with no one, no one to help her with her homework, no one to listen to her talk about the silliest of things. There was no one there to watch her school clubs, the sports she had attempted to take up, she was an army of one who had to accept that family was unreliable. It was seeing his tears that hurt, to think that he was so upset and hurt it caused him pain she wished she could help in any way. “I can be and I am Isaac.” She stated, oh she was hardly going to let him push her away a second time.

His chart had listed scars and more injuries than she had seen on a person in a long time. The pain must had been tough but the injuries previous to that Sofia had no idea what had happened to him. She knew he had gone into the Army and for a short while she had believed him until she realise the recruitment age which just made the abandonment worse. Not only had he left but he had lied right to her face, she was hardly sure which one hurt more the lie or the walking away but in the end she had to just get on and deal with life as it happened.

Everything she had done she had managed herself, it was never perfect and far from it but she had done it herself and that was all she could have hoped for. Sofia pushed the thoughts from her head, she simply wanted to help and now she felt like she had trapped him in that room by trying to save him from hurting himself further. He seemed like he was being held prisoner in his room but Sofia simply wanted him to be safe. Had she not been so upset she might have realised that a hit to the floor might have been better for him but then it came with the risk of losing him.

“No you’re not broken, you’re alive and you’re here.” She said still stunned that on the day when she had least expected it he had turned up. Right there in Chicago. “It’s okay I’m not going to hurt you.” She said as she shook her head to him. “I don’t care, you’re alive Isaac it’s all I’ve ever wanted to know.” She stated simply glad that he was alive, it was better than any alternative she could think of and despite the fact he was in pain. She would take him being alive over anything else given that she had days where she had take to searching his name to make sure he was just that. Alive.

He was refusing to see it was her? Was this what life had come to, he had no idea it was her and when she told him he refused it. Sofia for a split second wondered if she had the right guy, it was hardly the first time that she had thought something was one thing and it had turned out entirely differently. Why not with a man she was ninety percent sure was her brother. “I.. you...yes it’s me. Sofia.” She spluttered wanting to at least make sure she gave it her best shot before she could say for certain it was a different Isaac.

When she saw that outstretched hand Sofia took a wary step toward him as she reached out her own shaky hand. She reached slowly toward his hand as she nodded hearing her name though the minute he retracted his hand she let her own drop to her side as she felt more tears slide down her cheeks. “I work here... Chicago Med, you’re in the hospital.” She explained as concisely as she could without wanting to blurt everything out all at once in an effort for him to see her as she was. Sofia wrapped her arms around herself for a moment as she listened to him.

“It’s okay Isaac, you’re here. It’s all I care about right now.” She said as confidently as she could though despite her best efforts she could feel herself shaking. “I’ve not seen you in years so yes I’m going to stare at you all day.” She said as she realised she was being the crazy sister for a moment as she tried to smile toward him. “Is it really you? Isaac are you really back... because you’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you.” Sofia spluttered taking a quick breath as she reached out her hand toward him, carefully trying not to spook him at all.

[Deleted]

The words hit him just as much as a punch would have, but in his haze, he couldn't be sure why it did exactly. "I-" He recoiled, the shock he had caused with his question completely unexpected, and most definitely making very little sense to him. Hadn't he hurt them? Wasn't that reason enough not to wish to help him? He did not know who he was talking to, he couldn't know how much they knew him, but he knew they did. Wouldn't that make their own pain even worse? "Your job..." He couldn't believe the first part more than the last, it made more sense for the person to be driven by their duty than by caring for him. Yet again, what could their job be? He did not know where he was, so he couldn't know that. Even when it made more sense it didn't make any.

Broken promises, every one of them. Promises he had made, promises that had been made to him. It wasn't right, he knew it, but even if everything was in the past, he couldn't believe it all was. Guilt was there every day, reminding him of every thing he had done, a constant memory of how unreliable he was. Sofia had needed him, he had told her he would be there, and then he wasn't. He had left her alone. He knew what it was like to be alone, but he had brought it upon himself, he couldn't pretend and say he knew the pain she must have been in. His own loneliness was of his own doing, hers had been on him. And then there had been Jake... "No, no, no..." A new wave of tears came streaming down, still thinking there was no way his sister could be there, and trying as best as he could to push away the memories. His body was still shaking, and he was pressing his face even harder in the mattress under him.

His scars. Another painful reminder of a time he would rather forget, that he had tried to forget. The army, no matter how hard he had hoped would make his life better, had only made it worse. Right from the beginning, right from the moment where he had to lie to his sister. He couldn't forgive himself, and as a kid, he had tried to justify it, had tried to convince himself it was okay, except it wasn't, and he never forgot. The tears, the 'please don't go!' Sofia had screamed again and again, it followed him in his every steps, constantly weighing on him. And then, after enrolling, came the beatings, why a few of his scars were in the first place. He hadn't been strong enough to fight it, part of him even believed he deserved it, still did now, so instead he had opted to forget, and found alcohol, a familiar path, maybe too familiar. Nothing he would tell his sister, not even in the letters he never sent.

Scars ran deep, and not all of them were physical. Maybe that was what had broken him, or maybe he had them because he was broken, but he knew for sure he couldn't let his sister know, couldn't let her see him like this. "Alive, but... not right, not right..." he shook his head again, curling up on himself once more. No, there must have been a reason why he had those scars, he wasn't right. The person should care about that, they really should, because he could hurt them again, like he had before. He could hurt her again. "Sofia doesn't need that..." His headache was growing worse the more he cried, but he couldn't stop the tears, couldn't even think of doing that. He couldn't do it again to her, he had hurt too many people already. He may be alive, he may be there, but if it meant hurting someone, he'd rather not be.

He couldn't see the person, couldn't see how it could be his sister, yet he found himself wishing it could be her just as much as he wished it wasn't. Yet, even if he could see her face, would he recognise her? It had been so long. How he missed her, how he hoped she did not miss him, for her own sake. He did not deserve her missing him, he deserved her hating him. And to be missing her after having left her, how hypocritical of him it was, but he still felt it. "Sofia?" In a weak attempt to stop the shaking his hands curled up into the covers of the bed, strongly enough that they started to hurt. "Is it really you?" If it really was her, she couldn't see him as weak as he was. But as he tried to turn his head to once again try and see who he was talking too, his vision was still too blurred for him to recognise anything.

The panic had subsided slightly, but not the tears, nor the questions. He had seen Sofia take a step forward towards his hand, and that had both reassured him and terrified him. It was his sister, he barely had a doubt now, but he was too wrong, he couldn't touch, couldn't be touched. But terrified or not, curled up on himself, he heard her answers, but one thing suddenly mattered more than the others. "A doctor?" He was in a hospital, she worked there, she could be something else, but never did it dawn upon him that she could be anything but that in his foggy mind. Nor did his mind question the fact that he was in an hospital. "A doctor." His little sister, a doctor. After all these years, hardworking years they must have been, she had become a doctor. What a relief it was to know she had made it, that she hadn't turned out the way he had. Oh he was proud, so proud, and through the tears he smiled, his whole face hurting because of it.

"I shouldn't be." He shook his head, repeating his words again. No he shouldn't be in Chicago, but he did not even remember why he was in the first place. "Not like this, please." It shouldn't have happened like this, he wasn't even sure it should happen at all. She was so far better off without him, proof enough, she was a doctor now. A brilliant and kind doctor. He came to wonder if she was married, did she have kids as well? She deserved to be happy after what he had done, after everything that had happened. "All day..." Wait, was he going to be kept for a whole day? Everything was way worse than he had first thought. Was he really in such a bad shape? "How... how bad is it?" He shivered, worries making his voice die in his throat as he asked. Back... was he back? No he couldn't stay, could he? She missed him, no, no she shouldn't, shouldn't have. "I'm so sorry..." He wasn't worth that, and he had no place to apologise, but as she extended her hand he found himself reaching out again, hand shaking like he had never seen it.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

Sofia was still trying to understand why he would ever think that a hospital was not going to help a patient; he knew he was in the hospital right? It was her brother beyond being a patient so that along meant that she would do everything she could to help him. Sofia nodded when he spoke, “Yes my job, you are in the hospital and I work in the hospital so I can look after you.” She said wondering just what had happened to him to get him to the state he was in. She wanted to help him to make sure he was alright but from what she had seen so far someone really had done a number on him.

The promises that had been broken she was mad about, of course she was but compared to any alternative in life she could live with broken promises if it meant he was alive and well. The promises had been made years ago, too long ago for her to hold them against him because things had turned out... well enough. The emergency department was always a reminder that life could be so much worse and although hers was far from sunshine and roses she was alive and had a job and really she had found that it was all she could have asked for in life.

When she heard the no’s she tried to hush him, “It’s okay Isaac, don’t cry please don’t cry.” She said seeing the new wave of tears streaming down his face. Since the day he left to her Isaac had always been that tower of strength to her, the guy who was strong enough to get out and join the army which she was proud of too. It had been until the day she had grown up and realised the age requirements but it was hardly as if she had a number to call or an address to write to. Watching him shaking and pressing his face harder into the mattress hurt, it was because she was trying to tell him she was there.

She was the one causing this as she debated simply forgetting about it at all. If she simply left him under the illusion that she had never been there it would perhaps be a lot better for him. No, it had been a disaster when he left so she was hardly going to leave him now. Not when she knew he was right there within reaching distance. She could still hear her own voice screaming for him not to go, her tears that had stung her face for days before she lost all hope that it was simply a two days away thing then maybe just maybe he needed a week away because it was her brother, he promised and he always came back.

Sofia could feel that all too familiar sinking feeling of despair as she took a breath to try and hold back tears. Then there was that day, that day when she had argued with her father about Isaac coming home when she made up his room and laid a dinner plate at the table in an effort to be prepared when he did. It was the start of her many hospital visits, at the end of three bottles and a violent reaction she had been thrown around like she was simply a football and that was the beginning of it all. A plate on a table and a clean set of sheets on a bed for a brother she still had hoped would come home no matter what was going on.

“You’re alive, the not right part that doesn’t matter because you’re alive and you’re here.” She stated trying to make him see that any of the rest never mattered to her at all. He needed help and she would make sure he got it because there was no chance she was going to let him leave a second time. When he spoke again her emotions were starting to get the better of her as she stood there. “Why don’t you let me decide what I need and don’t need.” She snapped before she threw a hand to her mouth, “I need me brother, I have always needed him and that doesn’t change it never will.” She added hearing her own voice laced with sadness and an almost begging tone to it.

When he spoke her name she nodded, “Yes it’s me, I’m right here.” She said seeing his attempt to stop the shaking; did he really know it was her now? Was he really the Isaac that she had missed, waited up for and prayed and hoped would come back home one day. “Really me, yes it is. I am standing right here Isaac.” She said hopeful that he now knew she was there, to simply have him there was enough for her to feel that relief inside her. The relief to know that he was alive, not in great shape but alive she would take with both hands because for the first time in years they were in the same place and talking which was all she could have ever wished for and she had many times.

Seeing him curl up on himself, she guessed that holding out her hand and stepping forward was a no go. This time however she never took a step back, no if she was going to be there for him then he was going to know it whether he liked it or not. Sofia gave him a look and nodded when he questioned a doctor. “Yes, kinda hard to believe, even I don’t some days but yes I’m a doctor.” She said with a smile, it had been a long road but she was there and doing a job she loved and one she hoped would make her brother proud of her if he came back. Now he was back she simply wanted him to know that he was alright and things were okay.

Sofia laughed seeing his smile as she wiped the tears from her face. She had missed that smile she thought hearing him speak again. “Yes you should be, you’re home and for once just let someone look after you.” She said knowing that he had done the same for her when they were younger. He had been the parent she was missing until he had left and then it had felt like there was nothing left but he was home and he needed help. “Isaac it’s okay trust me. I don’t care, you’re my brother and you’re home there isn’t anything else that matters other than you.” She said firmly knowing that he had an issue with her seeing him as he was but she was just happy to be there.

Sofia had never done the marriage and kids, well she still lived at home and had never really been brave enough to let anyone that close for a fear of being left. Focus on work and try to help their father when she could though in the end there was no helping their father and she had finally relaised it with another hospital visit after getting shot. She felt like she had failed but what more could have been done, there was little else to be done but know that behind bars he was likely better off. How did she ever explain any of that to Isaac, what if he was disappointed in her efforts? Better to gloss over it she thought.

“Yes all day.” She explained wondering how he was unaware of what had happened to him. “Bad but not too bad, Isaac you’ve been in a fight, you’re in pain, couple of broken ribs, cuts and bruises. We’re just keeping an eye on you or for me both eyes. Do you want to tell me what happened?” She said wondering how he had no idea what had happened to him. Sofia was all but ready to go and find who had done that to him and try to do the same to them. She had never been a fighter, she had no idea how to do it but for her brother she could bite, scratch and kick all she wanted to.

Sofia shook her head as she watched him reach out his hand again, she fought the urge to grab his hand and never let go but then if he reacted badly then it was entirely her fault. She settled for simply touching his hand that she could feel shaking for the first time as she smiled. “No you don’t be sorry for anything.” She said firmly, “I’m sorry, sorry that I didn’t understand why and sorry that I cried and screamed, sorry if I made you leave.” She said knowing there was a lot for her to be sorry for, the main on sorry for their father and what he had done. Sorry was all she had for a lot of things but him just being there made everything else fade for a while.

[Deleted]

He knew it. For her to want to take care of him, look after him, made more sense if it was because of work. At this time, he was still too confused to have caught the word hospital, so for a moment he tried to find what job it could be that they were talking about, but he came up with nothing. Trying to make sense of it all only made him dizzy, he wasn't sure he could take much more of it anymore, but he needed to try nonetheless. It was taking so long for the fog in his mind to dissipate, why was it taking this long, why was trying taking so much energy out of him? Out of nowhere a wave of nausea came over him, and he flinched, trying to push it away but almost immediately it was on the verge of his lips. His face might have turned white, or green, but he couldn't see it, just feel it, and it felt awful.

"It's not... it's not okay." He shook his head against the bed, his tears falling onto it. No, nothing in this instant was fine. He was still he did not know where, with what he assumed were broken ribs and various other injuries, but all of it was far less painful to him than the memories that crept into his mind even as he pushed them back. All of it were things of the past, but even if his sister wouldn't hold it against him, even if Jake couldn't hold it against him anymore, he still would, and with as much strength as if it had happened the day before. His life was a series of broken promises, moments of weakness that hadn't made his life better than what he had before, but only worse. Leaving everything behind for the army had been weakness, not strength. Had he been strong, he would have stayed for Sofia, but he wasn't, had never been, and even if he was asked not to cry, it was all he had left, all he could do.

Much like her he could still hear her voice, echoing in ears and asking him not to leave. He had tried his best to hide his own tears back then, turning his back to her, absolutely torn apart by those he knew were falling on his sister's cheeks. It had been one of the worst moments of his life, yet, he hadn't listened to her, and he had left. He couldn't forget, forgive, even if he had tried to apologise in a letter some time after. Those letters, he had written many, to her, to Jake, but he had sent none. So many thing she would never know, because he had been afraid it was already too late to send her anything, and then later thinking that it was better that he let her forget about him. He still had them all, thinking maybe one day he wouldn't be so afraid anymore, but that day had never been. And right now, he was petrified, and none of those memories were helping, but it was all he could think about. It wasn't just Sofia's voice that he could hear, but this other one felt worse, and the tears multiplied themselves in his eyes and on his cheeks.

"How could it not?" He had screamed it, loud, and the very second he realised it he felt awful, immediately curling up away from the person he was speaking to. He wasn't sure why he had done it, but he was sure he shouldn't have, and his lungs were agreeing with him, burning up as he breathed. "I've hurt you..." came out in a whisper. He had addressed the last part to his sister more than to the stranger that could be there, even if he wasn't entirely sure he was speaking to her. It wasn't just that, she did not know... a lot of things, and he knew that if she did, it would hurt her even more. He couldn't do that to her, but as he was about to protest again, Sofia spoke, and his words died in his throat. Need him... It was her, telling him she needed him, after all he had done, and hadn't done... Even if he had told her he would only make it worse... No, she had him speechless, he couldn't argue it anymore, but his tears kept falling, as if doing it for him.

Right here... He could see someone, knew now that it was his sister for she had told him, but he couldn't see her face. Would he have recognised her had he been able to? It had been so long, she wasn't the little child he had left behind anymore, she was an accomplished woman now. A woman he hadn't been there to see her become. "It's you..." His voice conveyed a strange mixture of emotion. Comfort, for finally he knew who was in the room with him, because after so many years, he finally was in the same room as his sister, talking to her. Regret, for having missed all of her life, all of the important moments she had gone through. Worried, wondering if she had known from the beginning, had recognised him, even in his state. Disappointment, because it meant all he had wanted to avoid had happened. She had seen the worst of him. "My sister is a doctor." He was still proud and smiling again, but less widely than before. He had missed that. All of her hard work, all of the people she had helped, all of the people that she still helped... She was so much stronger than he was.

The last time he had allowed someone to look after him... it had gone horribly wrong. So horribly wrong he hadn't allowed anyone to do the same ever since in fear that it would happen again. Well, it was mostly because of that, yet, not the whole story, and that he would never tell anyone, but it was why he was alone, had always been alone, and why he wouldn't let anyone in ever. Friends, he had none. Lovers... He couldn't... couldn't after... No, he simply couldn't have any. Being alone protected him, and protected other people more than they would ever know. So as Sofia spoke, he tensed, the hand that this whole time had held his tags clutching at them so hard his knuckles turned white. "I can't do that..." He shook his head, tears warm on his cheeks as he repeated his words again, the emotion making him choke. If he based himself on what he knew now he knew she would try nonetheless, but he was afraid the same would happen to her, and he couldn't let it. "I don't want you to get hurt..." because of me, anymore than you already have. So many things he wanted to say, but it didn't come out. It was too late for it to come out anyway.

All day. All day having to be kept under watch at the hospital. It made him feel trapped more than anything else, but as he listened to Sofia, he knew that if he tried to leave, he wouldn't make it far, even if he still felt the urge to run. So his ribs really were broken... He groaned, surprise shifting to pain as he moved slightly to truly face his sister, even if he still couldn't really see her through the tears. Would those ever go away? "A fight..." A memory of a fist connecting with his face was all he had to help explain his situation, nothing else had come back to him since he had woken up. "I... I don't remember..." all of it. He shook his head and turned away, not looking at her anymore. He couldn't tell her what he knew, that he knew how all of the fights he was involved in usually started, tell her that it wasn't the first, and probably not the last either, fight he had been in. It was most likely that this one had started the same way as all of the others, and he couldn't, just couldn't tell her that. But it was all he had. He did not know anything else, even why he was in Chicago in the first place... Other than the possible hangover he might be experiencing too, but that was something else he wouldn't tell her.

The trembling in his hand was so strong he felt his whole arm shaking with it, and even when Sofia touched it, it continued. He withdrew his hand at first contact, a reflex he had gained years ago, but after a moment of nervously looking at their hands, he reached out again, and grabbed her hand. It was warm, and so soft against his own. It had had been so long since he had last held a hand, and the last one had been... No. No, not thinking about that again. "What?" His head snapped, and his eyes grew wide as he looked at his sister. "No. No, you don't be sorry. No." He shook his head violently, and in an instant the tears were gone. No, now he was mad, and terrified. "Nothing is your fault. Nothing." How could she blame herself? It wasn't her fault, had never been, all of it was on him. And to see her feeling like this about it, he grew even angrier at himself. He shouldn't have done such a stupid thing. "It's not your fault." As quickly as they had left the tears were back, and his hand shook against Sofia. He had done this, had made her feel like this, and he was afraid he would do it again.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

Sofia knew that look, the look of nausea. She had seen it often enough to know when to watch her shoes after finding out the hard way for years about when not to crowd a person. It was still inevitable at times but on this occasion she felt it best to be prepared to move quickly out of the way. Obviously telling him it was okay was wrong as she saw him react to it, he was right none of it was okay but what else was there to say to him. She could hardly yell at him because she was too relieved at that point to know he was there.

It took her a long time to understand and come to terms with the fact he had gone, it was the worst thing she had ever gone through and despite her fathers attempts to make her life miserable it was that one moment that was worse than all the rest. That one day when him leaving actually hit home, the work she had to do and understanding what was going on. It had taken weeks but as soon as it hit she knew what needed to be done and there was no other choice but to get on and do it.

The letters were unknown to her, she always thought he might right once he was settled and make every excuse as to why there was never anything in the post. He was too busy, likely in another country, maybe one with really bad post service or no internet or phone access. Those innocent excuses she had made turned to the more adult ones, does he even know I am here? Perhaps he wanted the clean break or his new family would never allow his past. He could be a prince married to a princess or a wealthy husband who could never go back to find his past.

Any random excuse she could think of that never involved death or suffering. She had even kept a diary of everything she wanted to tell him, every school project, every piece of art and every diploma she had was in a box in the hopes that one day he would be proud if he came back. There had been many times when she had gone to throw the lot out, a fit of anger or simply a bad day where she could see no good in her hope anymore. Now however all those days she felt so foolish for because he was now right there in front of her. Alive and mostly well which was all she could have ever wished or asked for in life.

To see him cry broke her heart, so upset and despite her doctors knowledge there was nothing she could do to help him or make it stop. Too much hurt to go around and yet all she wanted to do was to help him which became more difficult the moment he screamed. Sofia bit her lip to stop herself from yelling back at him. “It doesn’t matter to me, it never will matter to me because you are right here.” She said trying to keep a level tone though it was barely there in itself. Sofia winced hearing him say he had hurt her, she wanted to agree with him. To yell at him everything that hurt about what had happened but what good would it do to make anyone feel worse.

“It’s all forgiven.” She said softly still in two minds as to if she was too annoyed with him or just entirely relieved to know he was actually alive. Sofia had no idea what he was hiding from her but none of it would matter to her at all, unless he had killed someone deliberately she could never imagine a scenario where she would turn her back on him or even be disappointed or mad at him. Then again she had no idea if he would know that or think worse of her for not saying anything. Seeing his tears Sofia shook her head. “Don’t cry, it’s okay.” She said trying to find the right thing to say to him.

“I just want my brother because i’ve not know for years and now you’re...” Her voice caught in the back of her throat still grappling with him actually being in the same room as she was. “It’s me.” She said smiling wondering if she was a disappointment after all this time or if he was pleased or really what he was thinking. It had been so long and yet the memories she had felt like yesterday, the raw pain she felt when he left to the tears and the yelling right up unto that moment when she realised and her heart practically soared.

“Yes I am, is that a good thing?” She asked as if looking for his approval on it. Sofia simply wanted an escape from everything and if a night job and night classes had done it then she had done something that gave her an out from the house. The place that held so many awful memories and yet it was a place she dare not leave just in case Isaac came back. If he came back and she was gone then it was all her fault, what if the new owners misplaced her information or simply never bothered to give it. There were too many variables in moving and also their father too, it was still his house.

“You can do it because you don’t really have the option Isaac.” She said with a slight smile, no he was not getting out of her sight and she would make sure to look after him because if there was someone else doing that. They were doing a really bad job of it. “Get hurt? What do you mean?” She asked before she decided that getting hurt, he could hardly hurt her anymore than she had been already. Their father had used her as a punching bag at times so really what could he do that was worse. “Isaac you can’t hurt me okay, trust me you won’t hurt me.” She said sure of that fact, not that she knew what he had been through but she had been through enough herself to keep people away she felt were threats.

Sofia nodded when he mentioned a fight, “Just tell me if you remember anything else and know that you’re safe and if anyone tries to get you then they go through me first.” She said as strongly as she possibly could, fighting had never been her strong point but if it came to it she would do her best to defend her brother even if it meant swinging a bed pan at someone she would do it. There was a lot going on with him and she could see that though where to start with it all was a mystery. How was he there? Why was he in a fight? Who was he fighting? Why was he hurt so badly? She wanted to hit whoever it was that did it to him but then she knew if he kept quiet and truly had no memory of it, there was no chance she would get to do any of that.

His trembling she could feel, she watched his hand as he reached out and grabbed her hand after pulling away the first time. She held onto it hardly believing she was feeling the hand of her brother, she stared with disbelief until his head snapped and his eyes were wide. She could feel her own tears starting to fall again when he said she should not be sorry, it was easier said than done. She could feel her own hand start to shake as years worth of emotions started to get the better of her. This was far from therapy which she never bothered which as this was the one person in the world she had trusted who was now right there again.

His tears had gone and now they were back as she wished she could take away the hurt. “It’s my fault, I’m sorry for not being stronger or going after you or stopping you.” She admitted, “But I know if you’d have stayed...he would have...” Sofia knew what would have happened if he had stayed, the same thing that happened to her and there was no guarantee that things would have happened as they did. Was she really going to admit he might have been better not being there? Sofia found the words gone, if he stayed then she had no idea what would have happened. Knowing what did she knew he was safer out of the house and yet was she such an awful person to wish he would come back.

She had never thought about it until that moment, she wished him to come back into something that she would never wish on another human being. Suddenly she felt ill, as if someone had thrown a punch to her stomach as she felt her own tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m so happy your here.” She spluttered through her tears feeling as if she was mad, happy and worried all at the same time.

[Deleted]

After a moment of holding onto the hope that he wouldn't throw up the nausea subsided, and he could breath again. It caused his lungs to burn up almost immediately, but they had been since he had woken up, he could tolerate it now. They did not hurt as much as the memories that still crowded his mind, did not require as much effort as trying to push the undesired thoughts away did, but it was a bit of a surprise. He tried not to cough, knowing it would only make it even more painful, but it was a pointless effort and soon enough he felt the familiar pain grow stronger as his first cough escaped him. He tried not to show how much it hurt, in an unexpected moment of anger having had enough of the pain and the tears, but the anger left just as quickly as it came. He did not have the strength to be angry.

He couldn't say the same for the strong sadness and abandonment that he still felt. He had never come to terms with what he had done, he did not want to. To come to terms with it meant forgiving, and then forgetting, and it wasn't right. He had done wrong to his sister, and that wrong had made him who he was, and even if the person he was he despised, he couldn't let go of it. Hating what he had done was all he had ever known, he couldn't think of moment where he wouldn't have to anymore, couldn't think that what he had actually done was even a forgivable thing. It was a strange feeling. Something he had shared in a few letters to her, yet not as explicitly. Asking her to not forgive him had been his attempt, but those letters she had no knowledge of, and would probably not know of them before a long time, if she ever did.

He had come to share a lot in them as time went by. The few first letters had been weak attempts at apologies and explanations, none of them he himself had found believable, which is why he hadn't sent them. Then later he had found himself describing his day to her, how he felt, what had happened. Knowing he would never send them had made it easier to write, and he hadn't hidden anything from her. Everything bad, everything good, the first more than the latter. Twenty years worth of letters he had written, but he knew nothing in them would make her proud of him. There had been days where he had almost thrown them away, feeling angry because he saw in them a hope of redemption that he knew was selfish, but knowing just how much of his history was in them, knowing it was probably the only thing that still prevented him from going crazy, had stopped him before he could get rid of them. They became a symbol, and much like his tags, something he couldn't throw away, even if it hurt to have them around.

He spoke no words at Sofia's reply, simply shook his head and silently cursed his lungs for hurting so badly. He still couldn't believe he had screamed at her, and couldn't believe that in that she did not see just how wrong he had become, just how much it should matter to her if she did not want him to hurt her again. Her, the little sister, him, the older brother, yelling at her, twenty years after he had left her behind. All of it was simply wrong. Yet, she had repeated those words a few times now, that it did not matter to her, but once again his brain wouldn't let him believe it. Nor could it let him believe the words that were next said. "No, please don't. Don't..." Don't forgive me. He hadn't yelled, but he had eagerly protested, violently shaking his head. She couldn't have forgiven him, couldn't forgive him after what he had done. It wasn't okay, couldn't she see that it wasn't? But he said nothing else, her voice breaking stopped him before he did. Had he hurt her again?

It was her, his sister, and if he was disappointed it was only in himself, not her. It was all still a strange mixture of emotions that he had a hard time processing, he couldn't tell her how he felt if she asked him. And thinking, he wasn't sure he was doing it. His mind was filled with a list of things he had missed in the course of Sofia's life, filled with a strong fear of what she was thinking now that she had seen him in this state, a fear that by simply being there he had broken again what hadn't had the time to be fixed yet. "What?" His eyes grew wide at the question. Was she questioning herself now? After all the work she had put into becoming a doctor? He hadn't seen it, but he knew it must have been hard and tedious, and she had made it through, she couldn't second guess now surely. "Yes it's a good thing, why wouldn't it be?" He blinked, his vision still as blurry. She was helping people, was saving lives, she couldn't be thinking it was a bad thing? It was a huge accomplishment, he was proud of her for sure. Only, when she would learn about him, what he had done, there wouldn't be reasons for her to be proud of him...

Don't have the option... He shook his head, fear growing in the pit of his stomach, making him nauseous again. No, he had no one taking care of him, but the reason for that was what had him terrified of letting Sofia help him in the first place. Jake hadn't been doing a bad job, for the little time that he had been there. No, he had been... No, not thinking of him, he was gone now, but he was gone because they had hurt him... "Just hurt...just, hurt." He hadn't meant hurt by him when he had spoken to her, he had meant hurt by someone else, most likely by the same someone that had landed him in the hospital, that had hurt the only other person that had cared about him, and he could not allow that to happen to his sister. "Not me, not me..." He repeated, trying to tell her it wasn't safe, trying to dissuade her, although he knew it was a weak attempt and that she would try and try again. He hadn't remembered his sister to be this stubborn, but twenty years changed a person, he knew that well, so he had no place to speak. He just did not want her to get hurt because of him.

"No, they'll hurt you, they can't touch you..." He was still afraid of what would happen to her if she helped him, and to hear her say that they would have to go through her first was a terrifying thing to him. He couldn't bring her into this situation like that, it was what he had wanted to avoid at all cost and why he had wanted to leave as fast a possible since he had woken up. Mostly, but she did not deserve any of that. As he pictured what could possibly happen to her a familiar flash came to him, and this time, after the fist connecting to his face, he remembered the face of the man that had punched him, and then, he knew why. Knew why, knew who, but other pieces of the puzzle still escaped him. It was enough for him to know that he couldn't tell her anything however. He couldn't lie, he couldn't pretend he hadn't remembered anything when she had asked him to tell her, so he said nothing, and looked away from her again. Was not telling lying?

His trembling he still felt crawling up his arm, and it was distracting, but against his palm he felt Sofia's own hand starting to shake, and the warmth that holding his sister's hand after twenty years of being away had brought him suddenly disappeared. Just as his fear of being touched did. He repeated his words again, it wasn't her fault, had never been, and while he did he tightened his grip on the hand he held. No, even if she had wished him here, had wished him to stay, his presence was hurting her, and he felt awful, but he had known it would be like this. He would have better done had he stayed away from Chicago. "No, no..." He shook his head, eyes wide as he looked at her. "No sorry, no it's my fault because it's not." He hadn't understood when she had spoken about someone else, did not know what she was referencing to, so his mind hadn't taken note of her words. He was only worried about her blaming herself, and it was already too much.

So as she started to cry, breaking down in front of him, it was as if his whole world had come crashing down. "No, no no no." In his state it was probably the stupidest thing to do but he did not care. With difficulty, and not in the most graceful of ways, he dragged himself towards the edge of the bed and tried to stand. It took a moment to find his balance on his shaky legs, it wasn't easy with Sofia's hand still in his and most of his body protesting at his every movement, but when he did he immediately stepped forward and pulled his sister into a hug. He couldn't hold her tight, his arms did not have the strength to do so and his ribs were incredibly painful as he pressed them against her, but he tried his best.

[Dr Sofia Austin]

Forgetting had never been much of an option for her when she had held out so much hope that one day he would come home. It was like a dream come true except in this dream he had been hurt and in hers there was just the prefect image of a guy who had done so well in life. Forgiving that was a little easier for her, in the beginning after she had tried to reason it all away not so much but after years and what their father had done forgiveness was all she had because what use would there be in two of them being there to get hurt.

Sofia had kept diaries of pages that only had the good things, just in case he came home to read them because the bad parts. It was unfair of her to land the bad on him, she knew now even the thought of telling him any of it sent her cold to the core. It had happened and it was done with now, it was what she had told herself from the day the police had been there. It was finally over but in her own head it was still there, she thought there might have been some great relief in knowing there would be no more fights for the time being but the silence in the house now drove her crazy.

Isaac screaming at her hurt but then it had been so long and he was in a bad way that something like that could be left as it was. To her she never cared if he was wrong or not because all that mattered to her was he was there, wrong or right it could be forgiven and fixed because nothing in life was that bad. His eager protest and violent shaking of his head did nothing to dissuade her on what she felt was the right thing to do. “It’s done Isaac, none of it is your fault and I don’t blame you for any of it.” She said truthfully, in a way she had thought he was strong to walk away, she had been told that enough times in her life to just get up and go but she never had that strength to do it.

If she did leave then what would happen? If Isaac came back then she had somehow gotten it into her head that he would be disappointed that she did leave, she stayed and tried to be a good enough daughter and sister but now he was back there with her and he blamed himself she could never let that lie with him. He had been the stronger of the two and gone onto something else, whatever it was had hurt him but it had to be better right? It simply had to be. There was no room in her head for anything but goodness to have happened to her brother though the sane part of her knew that not to be true.

Sofia was hardly sure of what to make of his ‘what’, was it a good one of a what were you ever thinking kind of what. She had put a lot of time and effort and work into becoming a doctor, she hoped to help people to make up for the ones she could never help. “I just...” Could she even say it out loud or was twenty years on ridiculous to even begun to want his approval on something she had done. “I just wanted your approval... to make sure...” Your proud, not disappointed oh there was so much as she had to bite her tongue not to go into a complete breakdown of it all.

Sofia shook her head at him, “No no one will hurt you, I’ll make sure you’re safe I promise you.” She said knowing it was the least she could do for him, if it meant asking her friend the cop to go and sit at the house when she was working then she would do that. Nothing mattered to her more than him being safe and happy and just being himself. When he said ‘not me’ it took her a moment, who was going to hurt her? Was it even possible to hurt her anymore than she had been though she stayed silent on that as she simply shook her head. Sofia had learned to be stubborn, stubborn was the only way she had found that worked for her and yes on occasion outside of the hospital she would back down faster than most but when she knew what she was talking about. No there was no way she was going to let her brother go now.

“I won’t let them hurt me or you, trust me Isaac you are safe here I promise you to make sure of it.” She said before her mind started to wonder about just who or what he was so afraid of. The ER was a fast learner not to be walked all over because one minute you could have a happy patient and the next it could be fifty shades of anger directed at you for something. “They won’t hurt me or you, like I said they go through me first.” She said though when he looked away from her she knew he had remembered something but just refused to share it. “Isaac please I can’t help you if you won’t let me in. What is it? Who are you so afraid of? What happened to you?” She asked him wanting to know what was going on for his sake. “It’s too late for you not to have me involved because I’m here if you like it or not so please for me, just tell me what’s going on.” She almost pleaded, she was not going to drop it at all but then she had to find out what had him so afraid in the hope of fixing it for him.

Feeling him tighten his grip on her hand she tried her best to smile, it was her fault in every way because she had failed to be tough enough for him to stay. His words she simply nodded at but hardly believed, people left for reasons and she was still there so the reason had to be her father and herself. He was getting away from them both though she dare not say it out loud. The reasons over the years had changed but the feelings that went with then never did.

“Not your fault, you were better to leave I know that now.” She said feeling the years worth of emotions start to crack, he was better to be safe and out of there but now seeing him hurt like this she simply wanted to make sure he was safe again. For him to know that home was better than it had been and that he could be home and not worry or fear anything. Sofia found it all too much and when she started to cry there was little she could do to stop it. The tears she had held back for twenty years now flooded out of her without at stop on them.

She felt ridiculous to lose it in front of him, in her head she had imagined meeting him and not once had she cried in front of him. She tried to stop herself but when he started to say no it was all she could do to wipe the tears away with her hand. Sofia held onto his hand not realising when he moved to the edge of the bed what he was going to do. As he stood up she shook her head, “No you shouldn’t.” She just about managed to say while he got his balance yet the minute he stepped forward and pulled her into a hug all was lost.

Any hint of trying to force him not to went right out of the window, she cried more the minute she felt his hug as she never thought she would ever have that feeling again. It was like the instant feeling of safe wrapped up in something she had never known for too long to bare thinking about. She placed her arms around him carefully trying not to hurt him though she was unsure how successful she was as she as she rested her head against him gently. “I’ve missed you so much. You’ve no idea how happy I am to see you, to know you’re alive and here.” She said through her tears, “Please will you come home? Please I can’t lose you a second time.” Though she tried she could hardly hide the pleading tone in her voice scared to death that he might leave again. That single feeling had her stomach in knots as she had never once thought about him doing that.

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Her words echoed for a moment, and his eyes grew wide, every part of him screaming disbelief the very moment he heard them. It couldn't be right, she couldn't really be saying, thinking, that? Of course it was his fault if he had left, it was his fault if she had missed him, if she had been angry at him, his fault that he had screamed at her... nothing of that could be forgiven. He did not think it could be, and stupidly enough, did not want it to be. Hurting someone like he had shouldn't be easy to forgive. Admittedly, it had been over twenty years, she had had time to think, had had time come to terms with it... He should have too. He should have too... "How? No, no you can't..." He wanted to know how, yet at the same time didn't. It was all he had ever known, but could he forgive too? After all this time, he should let go, he knew, but it was so hard to do...

It had been a what of surprise, of shock over the fact that after so many years she might have been doubting herself. Well, he thought it had been that. So many years... He did not know how long she had been a doctor, only knew that it was hard and that it took a long time to become one... It was difficult to believe that she would be doubting now. "My... approval?" Once again his eyes grew wide and surprise took him. It couldn't be because of that, that was even more difficult to believe... She needed it... to make sure of what? No, after everything, all he had done, his approval couldn't be worth anything, she shouldn't be praising it any, but of course he approved. His sister, a doctor, it would make no sense for him not to. "Why wouldn't I? I... You... you help, save, people." She saved people, something he had miserably failed to do, she had worked hard to be where she was now, had gone through so much, how could he not be proud of that? She was everything he wasn't, and there was nothing he would approve more than that.

Safe... She had said it so often, and he felt bad for it, but he still had a hard time believing her. He had never been safe from them when he had been in Chicago all those years ago, the only time he had been was when he had left, gone away, and even then... Jake hadn't been safe when he had left... No, they weren't safe anywhere... "They always find a way..." The tears were very close to falling again, barely contained behind his shut eyes, the memory still very painful. No, he couldn't let them go through her, they were too dangerous for that, but she couldn't know what they had done... Telling her meant telling her other things he would rather not have her know... At least of for now. "They can't do to you what they've done to him..." He was trying to tell her it was a bad idea, dissuade her from trying to protect him, defend him, but even after all of this, he wanted to feel safe, so his attempt was a weak one. The emotion in his voice did not make it possible for him to sound anything but devastated, he couldn't dissuade anyone like that.

So many questions all at once, all of them so difficult to answer... He felt his head growing dizzy for a moment, his mind unsure as to how he should answer her, if he did. Telling her who meant telling her why, and he couldn't do that... It involved so many things he was not ready to tell her, although he was sure he would never be. And if he told her what had happened, or what he remembered of what had happened, wouldn't she be even more worried? "I- I can't..." He had only little fragments of memories of the actual fight, so very little to go on to piece it all back together... And she was offering her help... Help had only brought more pain in the past... "Please... I..." She was right. It was too late, and it was his fault. It would have been all so different had he stayed away from Chicago, like he should have. It was too late, but instead of making it easier for him to tell her anything, it only made him feel even worse. He shouldn't have come back.

Then again, none of this would have happened had he not left her behind twenty years ago. Twenty years that she had blamed on herself when none of it was her fault. No, he hadn't been trying to get away from her, not at all. Their father however... No, no that was unfair. "Leaving was a mistake. I shouldn't have left you." He shook is head, in disbelief of her every word. How could she think his cowardice was strength? Running away from his responsibilities, from his family, from those who had needed him from the start, no, nothing in that had been made out of strength. She had been the strong one, she had stayed, stayed home after everyone had left. "Nothing was better." Why was she thinking that? Had something happened? Still, out there, it all had been worse than what he had imagined it to be. The world was full of people, but he had never felt more lonely.

Moving was hard, he had barely enough strength in his arms to carry his weight as he pushed himself towards the edge of the bed, but he wasn't thinking about that. His mind was focused on his sister and his sister only, his injuries be damned. He probably should have paid attention to them, the lack of equilibrium had made him nauseous again, but he did not care. He did not pay attention to Sofia's protest either, her tears were the only thing he could see. His ribs hurt as she wrapped her arms around him, but he tried not to let it show, stopping a grunt before it crossed his lips. "I... I've missed you too." His voice was shaky, emotion hard to contain. After all of these years, finally being able to say it, and to say it to the person it was meant to, was overwhelming, hard to process. "I don't know if I can..." His legs were shaking underneath him, following the example of his voice. He wouldn't be able to stay up for much longer, but he wasn't letting go of her. For now...